40 things I know at 40
40 things I know at 40
Advice from a woman in denial - on friendship, ambition and frozen margs
I’ve never written one of these before because I was a big naive baby at 25, 30 and probably even 35. Any pearls of wisdom I had were probably stolen from Brene Brown and Carrie Bradshaw.
But I turned 40 last week and, while I don’t exactly feel ancient (denial?), I’m aware that my true youth is something that should be spoken about in the past tense. I’m now part of that group of women who the genuinely young think are old, and the genuinely old think are young. My school and university days weren’t, in fact, five minutes ago. It wasn’t 2004 last year and I can’t just pop into Topshop Oxford Circus for a new top at lunchtime.
None of which is to say that I feel ‘past it’ in any way. But I have been through some stuff. I’ve seen friends go through stuff. I’ve learnt about how I want to spend my days, treat people and prioritise - even if I’m not good at it all the time.
That’s not to say the below is advice for all womankind, or that you shouldn’t take it with a pinch of salt (tip one: always add a pinch of salt). But maybe some of it will resonate with you.
No one else is thinking about you. My dad handed me that shit sandwich when I started my first newspaper job, but it’s true. Whenever I’ve been frustrated at not being noticed, not getting a promotion, being overlooked - often they just aren’t thinking about you. Boiled down: don’t assume and ask for what you want.
Everything that has happened to you, has also happened to someone else. Talk about it, ask for help, you are not alone.
Use scissors to cut pizza. Absolutely game changing and you still get to eat it while it’s hot.
Your friends are the true loves of your lives. They’re the ones who have been there through the awful relationships, disastrous jobs, the time you sobbed because you’d lost your pink rabbit wallet. Women get a deeper emotional connection from their female friends than they ever will from a romantic partner - so love them just as hard.
No job is worth your health. I put up with being messed around, because I didn’t realise that I deserved better. I know friends who attribute chest pain, seizures and hair loss to office stress. A particularly anxious time once gave me a twitch that would pulsate above my mouth whenever anyone asked how work was going. No job is worth this. Change it, before it changes you.