A friend sent me a message this weekend, over which I my blood is still boiling.
I was just walking behind two men, one of whom seemed to be supporting the other one because he was drunk, and the drunk one just said to the other, ‘you’re not still fucking that fat bitch are you?’ He spat it out with such contempt and aggression, I was taken aback.
Well, that’s just great, isn’t it? Just what you need at 10am on a Saturday morning to leave you foaming at the mouth for the rest of the weekend and beyond. And I wondered why I could suddenly see a frown line on my forehead come Sunday.
We were furious. ‘What’s the equivalent male term for the gender you don’t respect?’ seethed my friend. (Answers below please).
The one positive thing to come out of it, was that we were united in our rage. Those moments are important in friendships, I think - connecting over something that has made you both angry and shocked, that needs airing, pulling apart, ranting about. Women need to get angry about stuff like this; that’s how we change things.
It’s a bonding experience and sort of refreshing when it happens because, much of the time, anger in our friendships is not shared. It’s of the type that one person harbours in secret, festering and eventually destroying everything in its path, leaving the other friend hurt and bewildered.
You’ve probably been there, one one side of the fence or perhaps both. The evidence is all around us; broken friendships, fallings out over seemingly minor things, ghosting - all as a result of unspoken anger. For me, it also tends to manifest as paranoia: the constant feeling that all my friends might me mad at me, and I just don’t know it. (Which, given I wrote a book about them, could well be true).
The truth is that it’s killing our friendships. And while I will defend women’s right to get angry to the ends of the earth, when it comes to our mates, rage can be a ticking time-bomb.
What’s more, it’s not ALL our fault.
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