35 life tips on this and that
35 life tips on this and that
Lethal fruit salad, sex and knitwear - nuggets of wisdom from a frazzled woman
Last time I wrote one of these lists, I was able to say - hand on heart - that I’d never done it before (bestowing your life advice on others being rather grand and all that). Now I can’t make that claim, but I did really enjoy writing the first and a lot of you seemed to enjoy reading it, too. The case for the defence rests.
I’ve been thinking about this stuff as my life is going through another period of change as the end of the year draws closer and I’m feeling a bit frazzled. Nine Fridays until Christmas anyone? SORRY. The rest of what’s below is infinitely less alarming, promise…
If you’ve had a shit morning, the whole day doesn’t have to be shit. Do something small to reset it: make the perfect cup of tea, read your book, buy a new pen, go for a walk. You can pretty much always turn things around.
There is no greater small pleasure than eating a glace cherry straight from the tub.
Everything is most painful the first time it happens. If you’ve never been through heartbreak, job loss, death, illness before then you don’t haven’t built up any defences against the emotions that come along with it. Don’t be too hard on yourself and ask for help from those who have.
I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: turn off notifications on your phone. It’s the quickest shortcut to admitting that you need to address your relationship with tech and doing something about it. Trust me, no one will notice that you haven’t seen their message within ten seconds and the BBC will have no idea that their news alerts are breaking silently for you.
It’s not only fine to fancy Tony Soprano, it’s biological.
So wrong it’s right There is no life you ‘should’ or ‘could’ have had - one in which you pursued something different or made another choice at a sliding doors moment. Your life is the one you’re living and breathing, right now. Don’t spend time on ‘what ifs’ - you’ll feel freer for it.
Tell your friends how brilliant you think they are. They probably don't know.
From my single friend F: “Don’t underestimate a man who’s confident enough to make a plan.” From me: “And, unless you have really strong feelings, let him - or you’ll end up doing it forever.”
It’s OK to be annoyed that the chiller cabinets in your local Waitrose are broken, even when the wider world is burning.
The chicest colour for knitwear is navy. The best brands that last are Navygrey, Folk, &Daughter and Carrier Company.
Just about everyone reaches 40 and thinks ‘is this it?’ about their job. It’s what you do next that counts: leave, side-hustle, rethink your definition of success.
Jilly Cooper macerates her fruit salad in sloe gin for hours before serving. Lethal but a guaranteed ice-breaker/truth serum.
Things for sleep that are worth spending money on: good pillows, good mattress, electric blanket.
Things that aren’t: eye masks (I have loads of silk ones, but always go back to the novelty mask that says ‘fuck off’), pillow spray (use perfume if you must), bed socks (old hiking ones are the best).
Approach with caution It’s fine to scour Vinted for Topshop clothing you owned in 2003 and regret giving to the charity shop.
Rescue other women. I recently pretended to know a teenager at the airport, as she was being harassed by a random man in the boarding queue. One day, you might need a she-hero, too.
Frozen spinach: absolute game changer.
It’s fine not to like that book/TV show/podcast everyone seems to be raving about. It’s probably because someone, somewhere, decided to throw some marketing money behind it and isn’t necessarily an indication of quality.
Don’t be the sort of person who walks into a house party and changes the music. The hosts won’t like it.
If something scares you, say yes and then work out how to do it afterwards.
Having researched it for several articles, take it from me: no one is having as much sex as you think they are. More than that, most couples aren’t talking about it with one another and are generally hoping it will ‘get better’ in time - whether the frequency or style. Reality check: it probably won’t unless you address it.
There is nothing guaranteed to recharge you more than a solo trip. Being utterly selfish and not having to compromise will remind you of who you are and what you like, without any noise. Whether it’s a day or a week, try it once.
Solo in Sweden Don’t rely too heavily on online reviews. Would you ask MartinofKent512 to name your firstborn? Well then.
Better to say that you can’t go and then ask to make a last-minute appearance, than to say you can go and then cancel.
There’s nothing middle-aged or embarrassing about doing the RSPB big garden birdwatch (January), donating to the RNLI, downloading an app to identify plants or going into countryside churches to look at the windows.
If you’re upset with a friend, take a deep breath and tell them why. Silently seething is like drinking poison and expecting everything to be OK.
Remember to ask your parents about their lives before you were born. They know more than you can ever imagine.
Take a photo of your passport and favourite it on your phone. You’ll thank me the next time you’re checking in for a flight online.
Brown is a more flattering shade for eye makeup, the older you get.
Never assume that a friend can’t or won’t be able to accept an invitation. Always ask them anyway. There’s nothing worse than feeling left out.
Butter doesn’t go in the fridge. This is the best supermarket one.
Better to say something than nothing. Write that condolence card. Send a message. Check in with your colleague. Go to the funeral. You’ll never regret reaching out.
Branston baked beans over Heinz.
Your friends haven’t come round to eat a three-course dinner worthy of Michelin, while you’re too stressed to leave the kitchen. They’d rather tear apart crusty bread, cheese and salad while actually talking to you.
Your life isn’t about to start in a few hours time, if only you can complete X, Y and Z. You’ll never fully get on top of things and, while you’re trying to, your life is happening right now.
